my goal is to start getting to bed on time, so i am making my usual stops at two am intead of four. even tho it will still be hard to sleep... the idea of life, what it means to live has been sitting loudly on my shoulder. i watch other people go about their lives (and i read the words of those whose lives i can't watch...) creating scenarios and ideas that run through my mind in a mad attempt to understand what their expressions mean.. even though it's not about me, anyway: right?

there's a large insect outside my window fighting to get in, avoiding the rain i suppose. i wonder what his purpose will be. but to spend my time daydreaming about the seemingly meaningless life of the bug outside my window is an absurd passion, dont you think? well. to the rain.